Tuesday, January 16, 2007 ;
4:07 AM
Sporadic - meaning: to occur at irregular intervals.
It seems that's how new posts are being added to my blog, isn't it? It seems that inspiration/urge to write always stem from a certain frustration or when the feeling of absolute exhaustion begins to creep its way into me. 2007 started in a busy way, without me having to settle on the fact that I'm going to be a year older this year....someway waaaaaaaayy late in the year. But, then again, things always seem to move so fast.
2007 also started with a lot of work stress and personal stress. It's a personal struggle to maintain my anger in check, but when it comes, it comes raging like a bull and no amount of poles sticking into its back can stop it dead in its track. No pun intended.
I can foresee that 2007 will see me regain control. Self-control over harsh words, over anger and over the desire to just lash out when anger hits me. Self-control over my bad habits and start feeling calmer and more centered through religion. That's why sometimes, I need to write. Because when I do, it seems like I can see my life from a third person point of view. Like I'm just a fly on the wall, looking at how I play out my role in this life.
And sometimes, well, most of the time, I hate what I see.
I know for nuts that for those reading this, you might not know what the hell I'm talking about. It's ok, I just wanted someone to listen. Read, in this case.
2007 is going to be an uncertain year for me. Like other years before, yes you say, but in this case, the uncertainty presents itself more clearly like a transparent eyesore that refuses to be tainted or be hidden.
I guess, all I can do is face the eyesore straight in the eye (hahaha, i'm so lame) and trudge on. Hopefully, I come out a better person, with more self-control, dignity, pride and lesser sins on my back.
On a lighter side, it fills me up entirely when I know that I feel extremely happy going home and looking forward to snuggle up to my unwilling cat. It's the littlest things that provide a respite from all the chaos and heat built up during the course of the day, and sometimes night.
Ok, let me go smell his smelly breath for now. My cat's, that is. Ewwwww. Yea, I can't resist him. Hah.
play it softly, so gently♥
