Tuesday, December 26, 2006 ;
10:16 AM
I will not write about how the rain brings about comfort at home, in the company of warm covers, beverages or the sounds of laughter.
I will not write about how the rain brings about solace from the heat that penetrated our lives for most of our lives in this country.
I will not write about the devastation the rain brought about as many who have written about it, made me sad and cringe inside.
I will though, write about how sometimes I can be absolutely comfortable in every sense, and yet feel really angry at the littlest of things, feel really annoyed at the slightest provocation and feel really pissed at the blatant ignorance at the temptous ride of emotions boiling inside of me.
And, for the life of me, I cannot figure out why I feel these feelings sometimes. I cannot think of how anger slowly creeps into my heart, or why it does what it does to me.
And I hate how it creates a chaotic battle within me to control it, and yet most of the time I lose out, forcing myself to pick at little things and create small and petty fights, about nothing, almost everytime.
Maybe its fatigue or pure lethargy that brings about such temperament.
Or maybe an incident or a thought brought about such change in mood. Like for example, I watched 'Eragon', just a few hours ago with him. Mentioned to him that I can't confront battles between good and evil. I cringe and feel absolutely horrible inside just watching the process of the good being hit and slammed. I just wanted to get to the end, when even I knew that the good always win. It's Hollywood, after all.
But, why can't I watch it? Why can't I confront it? Like, even in other movie genres, a scene where the lead actor just missed a letter or a plane where his love went, or an evil, conniving witch threatens to slay little children in Narnia.
It's not being mushy. I just can't stand to watch it. And, I hate myself for being this way. I get angry at the fact that, when it came to these parts in the movie, I will shut my eyes and close my ears. How pathetic, right?
Well, I guess enough of this psychobabble bullshit. It's time to enjoy some earthy songs from Dashboard Confessional.
play it softly, so gently♥
